You know those families that talk about everything in life. The ones that actually have relationships with one another.
That's not mine.
Growing up, I was taught, intentionally or unintentionally, to not show your emotions.
Don't talk about your problems.
Don't let people know that you have so much pain in your life.
Don't ever let people in.
Because if you do, they won't accept you.
So here I am now....21 years old in my "prime" years of life. And I find myself struggling to find a purpose.
I find myself not being accepted. Not because I let people in to my life and expressed how I felt. But because I didn't. I look around and find all of these people in relationship with one another. Praying with each other. Crying with one another. And then I see myself.
Alone
Empty
Thirsting for that kind of relationship.
Begging God to just bring someone into my life...anyone at all...that would recognize my hurt, my wounds, my frustrations. Someone that I could have a real relationship with.
I find myself just wandering around life, wanting to express all of these feelings but not knowing how. I know that if I can just let out my anger, my pain, my sadness that there has to be a way this could get better. But I don't know how.
So this blog is one step in the right direction. One small step for me to actually express my feelings. One small step for me to be able to talk about my hurts.
This is just a small step towards me being able to accept myself and accept the fact that I am forgiven and I am loved by my Father.
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