Everything will eventually be replaced.
Friends get replaced.
Toys will become torn and be replaced.
Memories are replaced with new ones.
It's a constant change in life. So when this happens, why are we not expecting it?
Why does it still hurt so stinking much?
Why is it that we set ourselves up for disaster and become so focused on earthly things that our lives are just shattered when that earthly thing is no longer there.
I guess there is just something in us as humans that makes this kind of thing a necessity. We long for relationships. Those friends that we can share our deepest, darkest secrets with. We finally find that one person that we can open to, but in the blink of an eye, they forget about you. They find another person to share their hurts and joys with.
And then there you are. All alone....again.
No one to talk to.
No one to cry to.
No one to even just sit with.
What's next? Do you set yourself up for disaster again? Or this time, are you just going to avoid the earthly relationship and build the relationship with the only One who will never replace you. The One who will never leave you nor forsake you.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Loneliness - The Story of My Life
You know those families that talk about everything in life. The ones that actually have relationships with one another.
That's not mine.
Growing up, I was taught, intentionally or unintentionally, to not show your emotions.
Don't talk about your problems.
Don't let people know that you have so much pain in your life.
Don't ever let people in.
Because if you do, they won't accept you.
So here I am now....21 years old in my "prime" years of life. And I find myself struggling to find a purpose.
I find myself not being accepted. Not because I let people in to my life and expressed how I felt. But because I didn't. I look around and find all of these people in relationship with one another. Praying with each other. Crying with one another. And then I see myself.
Alone
Empty
Thirsting for that kind of relationship.
Begging God to just bring someone into my life...anyone at all...that would recognize my hurt, my wounds, my frustrations. Someone that I could have a real relationship with.
I find myself just wandering around life, wanting to express all of these feelings but not knowing how. I know that if I can just let out my anger, my pain, my sadness that there has to be a way this could get better. But I don't know how.
So this blog is one step in the right direction. One small step for me to actually express my feelings. One small step for me to be able to talk about my hurts.
This is just a small step towards me being able to accept myself and accept the fact that I am forgiven and I am loved by my Father.
That's not mine.
Growing up, I was taught, intentionally or unintentionally, to not show your emotions.
Don't talk about your problems.
Don't let people know that you have so much pain in your life.
Don't ever let people in.
Because if you do, they won't accept you.
So here I am now....21 years old in my "prime" years of life. And I find myself struggling to find a purpose.
I find myself not being accepted. Not because I let people in to my life and expressed how I felt. But because I didn't. I look around and find all of these people in relationship with one another. Praying with each other. Crying with one another. And then I see myself.
Alone
Empty
Thirsting for that kind of relationship.
Begging God to just bring someone into my life...anyone at all...that would recognize my hurt, my wounds, my frustrations. Someone that I could have a real relationship with.
I find myself just wandering around life, wanting to express all of these feelings but not knowing how. I know that if I can just let out my anger, my pain, my sadness that there has to be a way this could get better. But I don't know how.
So this blog is one step in the right direction. One small step for me to actually express my feelings. One small step for me to be able to talk about my hurts.
This is just a small step towards me being able to accept myself and accept the fact that I am forgiven and I am loved by my Father.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
There is no condemnation in You...
Forgiven and Loved - Jimmy Needham
Tell me I’m forgiven and loved
‘Cause I hear it from the street corner priests
On how God is love and how man can be clean
But my joy has been on holiday
And my peace has almost passed away
Tell me I’m forgiven and free
O I tried and tried to rectify my hopeless situation
But I bought the lie I still have work to do
Now I’m working nine to five like I can earn my own salvation
But there is no condemnation in You
O whisper to me now that it’s for real
‘Cause in the silence of these walls righteousness lost its appeal
Dirty deeds have done me in
O but that can’t stop the faithful friend
Giving mercy once again as You heal
Here it is I’m feeling it
O He died, He died to rectify my hopeless situation
And His blood commands my guilt to leave
Now on Calvary I stand
Empty pockets, open hands
O there is no condemnation for me
Child, you’re forgiven and loved
Child, you’re forgiven and loved
Child, you’re forgiven
And child, you are loved
Child, you’re forgiven and loved
It's amazing to me how God can use the simplest songs to get the point across to you with the exact words you've been needing to hear. The thoughts constantly invade my mind that I am not good enough and that I don't deserve the love of my Father. Satan is constantly bringing me back to those moments in my life when I have screwed up so badly. I can hear him screaming, "look at what you've done...how can anyone love you".
But as I sit hear listening to my iTunes and songs like this one pop on, I am given a sense of peace in knowing that my past is behind me and I am a new creation in Christ Jesus. The past is my past...and a new life has begun. I am learning that I am forgiven and I am loved by the Almighty God...the Creator of the Universe.
Tell me I’m forgiven and loved
‘Cause I hear it from the street corner priests
On how God is love and how man can be clean
But my joy has been on holiday
And my peace has almost passed away
Tell me I’m forgiven and free
O I tried and tried to rectify my hopeless situation
But I bought the lie I still have work to do
Now I’m working nine to five like I can earn my own salvation
But there is no condemnation in You
O whisper to me now that it’s for real
‘Cause in the silence of these walls righteousness lost its appeal
Dirty deeds have done me in
O but that can’t stop the faithful friend
Giving mercy once again as You heal
Here it is I’m feeling it
O He died, He died to rectify my hopeless situation
And His blood commands my guilt to leave
Now on Calvary I stand
Empty pockets, open hands
O there is no condemnation for me
Child, you’re forgiven and loved
Child, you’re forgiven and loved
Child, you’re forgiven
And child, you are loved
Child, you’re forgiven and loved
It's amazing to me how God can use the simplest songs to get the point across to you with the exact words you've been needing to hear. The thoughts constantly invade my mind that I am not good enough and that I don't deserve the love of my Father. Satan is constantly bringing me back to those moments in my life when I have screwed up so badly. I can hear him screaming, "look at what you've done...how can anyone love you".
But as I sit hear listening to my iTunes and songs like this one pop on, I am given a sense of peace in knowing that my past is behind me and I am a new creation in Christ Jesus. The past is my past...and a new life has begun. I am learning that I am forgiven and I am loved by the Almighty God...the Creator of the Universe.
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