Have Your Way

My life has changed a lot in the past few months in ways that I never would have imagined. My plans have changed and God has most definitely taken control of things.

In less than a month, I will be moving away from my school, my friends, my family, from everything that is familiar to me and moving to a place that I know absolutely nothing about.

Throughout the past few months, I have struggled with this decision. I keep questioning whether I did the right thing, if I was going where God wanted me to go, if I was really doing something that I was called to do.

I recently started reading the Jesus Calling devotion and it seems like every single day’s devotional that I have been reading in the past few weeks has talked about finding peace and assurance that you are exactly where God wants you to be. Peace and comfort has been a common theme in my life the last two weeks, but along with that peace comes lots of fear, anxiety, worry, and many other emotions. I am incredibly sad to be leaving my friends at IWU and incredibly worried about moving to a place where I don’t know many people.

But I can’t get over the fact that God is speaking through so many different sources the past week or so. I can’t get over the fact that no matter what I am doing, I feel comfort and although I am incredibly sad, I am also very joyful and excited about the things to come. I know that God is in fact in control and that He will take care of me, no matter where I end up. At church today, we sang a song by Hillsong called “Arms Open Wide.” As we started singing the chorus, I immediately felt peace again and I know the reasons why God has opened the doors that he has.  The song talks about surrendering to His name and letting Him have His way in your life.

           

            My whole life is Yours

            I give it all

            Surrendered to Your Name

            And forever I will pray

            Have Your way.

So, although I am scared to death, today I am surrendering to His way and giving my life to Him…God have Your way…use me for Your glory.

Veterans Day

A friend of mine that is in the military sent me a link recently to a music video by Big & Rich, called “8th of November”. Here are the lyrics to this song…

Said goodbye to his mamma
As he left South Dakota
To fight for the Red, White, and Blue.
He was nineteen and green with a new M-16
Just doing what he had to do.

He was dropped in the jungle
Where the choppers would rumble
With the smell of napalm in the air.
And the sergeant said, "Look up ahead"

Like a dark, evil cloud
1,200 came down
on him and 29 more.
They fought for their lives
But most of them died
In the 173rd Airborne.

On the 8th of November,
The angels were crying
As they carried his brothers away.
With the fire raining down
And the Hell all around
There were few men left standing that day.
Saw the eagle fly,
Through a clear, blue sky
1965, the 8th of November.

Now he's fifty-eight
And his ponytail's grey
But the battle still plays in his head.
He limps when he walks,
But he's strong when he talks
About the shrapnel they left in his leg.

He puts on a grey suit
Over his Airborne tattoo
And He ties it on one time a year
And remembers the fallen,
As he orders a tall one
And swallows it down with his tears.

On the 8th of November,
The angels were crying
As they carried his brothers away.
With the fire raining down
And the Hell all around
There were few men left standing that day.
Saw the eagle fly,
Through a clear, blue sky
1965, the 8th of November.

As I sat watching the video, I quickly realized how much I take life for granted. I thought about what it would be like to be a soldier during the times of World War I, World War II, Vietnam War, etc.

As the music video goes on, it shows clips of missiles attacking the soldiers and many of them emerging from the attack severely wounded. I tried to think about what they could possibly be thinking in that moment, wondering if they would make it out alive.

I thought about their families, back in America, hanging on to every news report announcing soldier deaths and praying that their loved ones names weren’t on that list.

For those fortunate ones that lived through these wars, I thought about how their lives must have changed forever…the constant nightmares they must have, of being shot at, of seeing your close friends being blown up by a bomb as they hovered down in coverage next to you.

But the thing is, many of these men went to this war without a second thought. They wanted to protect their country, to serve in ways that we cannot even fathom. GK Chesterton once said, “Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of readiness to die.”

These men were courageous.

These men were brave.

These men will forever be my heroes and I will forever be grateful for their sacrifices.

As we approach Veterans Day on Friday, I encourage you to think of these lyrics, these men (and women) that are willing to risk their lives daily so that we may relax in our comfortable homes and watch the latest TV show that’s on, of the sacrifices they have given us, and the dedication they have to this country…and I encourage you to be overwhelmed with gratitude for this courage.

(Here’s the link just in case you want to watch the video for yourself…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozpdBvB0hek&ob=av3n)

All I Am

Take these hands. I know they're empty but with You they can be used for beauty in Your perfect land. All I am is Yours.ml ]
Take these feet. I know they stumble but You use the weak. You use the humble, so please use me. All I am is Yours.
I give You all my life. I'm letting it go. A living sacrifice, no longer my own. All I am is Yours.
Take this heart, set it on fire, shine it in the dark. I wanna tell the world of who You are. All I am is Yours.
I give You all my life. I'm letting it go. A living sacrifice no longer my own. All I am is Yours.
I give You everything. To You I belong. Every beat of my heart, the breath in my lungs. All I am is Yours
I lift my hands up. God I surrender all that I am for Your glory, Your honor, Your faith. I lift my hands up. God I surrender to You
- All I Am by Phil Wickham


The lyrics to this song have consumed my life lately. I am currently in the process of deciding what I will be doing in the Spring, where I will be living, where I will be working and God is definitely challenging me through these lyrics. I have my own plans, that's for sure, of where I want to be but lately I have been hearing this little voice in the back of my mind reminding me that it's not what I want. God has a greater plan. He knows exactly where I'm going to end up and He has a plan that is far greater than my own selfish desires. 


I want to be a willing servant. I want to step out of my own comfort zone, and go where I am called to go. It won't be easy, after all it never is. But the rewards that I could see from listening to God speak and just simply obeying would far outweigh any rewards I could achieve on my own. 


So I'm surrendering. Everything about me, I'm giving it up. I am lifting my hands in surrender to Your great name and Your perfect will. All that I am for Your glory, not mine.


I surrender to You.

Give Me Wings So I Can Fly

I am currently reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan and I came across a story in it the other night that really caught my attention. Francis was talking about the Holy Spirit throughout the whole chapter and he says this:

"Years ago, when a random thought came into my head, I decided to share it with my wife. ‘Have you ever wondered what caterpillars think about?’ I asked. 

Not surprisingly, she said, ‘No.’ 

I then proceeded to tell her about the confusion I imagined a caterpillar must experience. For all its caterpillar life, it crawls around a small patch of dirt and up and down a few plants. Then one day it takes a nap. A long nap. And then, what in the world must go through its head when it wakes up to discover it can fly? What does it think when it sees its tiny new body and gorgeous wings?  

As believers, we ought to experience this same kind of astonishment when the Holy Spirit enters our bodies. We should be stunned in disbelief over becoming a ‘new creation’ with the Spirit living in us. As the caterpillar finds its new ability to fly, we should be thrilled over our Spirit-empowered ability to live differently and faithfully. Isn't this what the Scriptures speak of? Isn’t this what we’ve all been longer for? 

It really is an astounding truth that the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you. He lives in me.  I do not know what the Spirit will do or where He’ll lead me each time I invite Him to guide me. But I am tired of living in a way that looks exactly like people who do not have the Holy Spirit of God living in them. I want to consistently live with an awareness of His strength. I want to be different today from what I was yesterday as the fruit of the Spirit becomes more manifest in me. 

I want to live so that I am truly submitted to the Spirit’s lending on a daily basis. Christ said it is better for us that the Spirit came, and I want to live like I know that is true. I don’t want to keep crawling when I have the ability to fly."

What a great illustration. That last line hit me so hard when I read it...I don’t want to keep crawling when I have the ability to fly. I realized how often I take the power of the Holy Spirit for granted and I try to do things all by myself. I constantly crawl through life, trying to fight through the debris standing in my way instead of just simply asking the Spirit to come in and give me my wings so that I can fly.

A Simple Reminder

While reading my devotional for the day, I happened to glance at the bookmark I was using and saw the words "God will take care of you." This bookmark was given to me along with another devotional as a gift when my sister-in-law was diagnosed with cancer, but I had never really taken the time to look at it. These words from Linda Knight followed the title:


"May your heart find peace and comfort in the knowledge that you are never alone. God is your stronghold, and with Him as your guide, you need never be afraid. No circumstances can block His love. No task is too difficult for Him to complete. God understands. He is your provider - today, tomorrow, and always. And He loves you. Cast all of your cares on Him...and believe."


As I enter my senior year at college, I am beginning to get very anxious about my future. I have no idea where I want to be or what I want to be doing after I graduate, but what a great reminder this simple bookmark was. I can begin my final year of college confident that God will indeed direct my path and take care of me.

Father's Day

Father’s Day.

A day to celebrate your dad.

For the role model he is, for all of the sacrifices he has made, for all of the love he has shown you.

If you would have asked me three years ago if I ever would have done any of these things, I probably would have just laughed at you. My dad and I never really had a typical “father/daughter” relationship when I was growing up. We fought, we yelled, we basically just couldn’t get along with each other. I know most people think that this is just typical with a teenage girl and her parents, but this was different. When I went to college, we didn’t fight any more because I wasn’t around him, but instead I just built up a lot of anger towards him.

I was angry because of all the fights, all of the mean things he had said to me and to others, I was just mad. I wouldn't say that I ever hated him, because after all, he was my dad and I loved him. But neither of us really showed that love.

So, three years have passed, and I have grown a lot. I can say that I have truly experienced the hand of God work through me and my dad. I am so thankful that God restores and heals broken relationships and that God answers prayers. I wouldn’t say that our relationship is perfect by any means, but things are definitely changing.

I hugged my dad for the first time that I can remember earlier this year and I cried after it. Not because I was sad, but because I was so incredibly happy. Happy because I was given a second chance with him, happy because we were finally able to communicate with each other, happy because I knew that things were changing.

So today, I celebrated my dad. For all that he has done for me and for my family. And today, I am thankful. For my dad, for second chances, for restored relationships, and for family.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I love you!

My Choice

Many people say that the Christian music industry is boring.

That it all sounds the same.

That the artists aren’t very talented.

However boring it may be, even if it does sound the same, I still listen.

I listen because it speaks to me.

I listen because God works through the artist and through their lyrics to challenge me, to move me, to heal me.

I cannot imagine where I would be at in my faith if it weren’t for Christian music.

When I’m struggling with something or just having a bad day, I can just simply turn on the radio and find the local Christian station and everything seems better.

Suddenly, I am given hope and peace.

So, no matter how boring it is, I’m still going to listen.

Not because it’s what Christians should do, but because I want to.

It’s how I learn. It’s how I mend. It’s how I grow.

Taking Chances

I saw the movie Something Borrowed tonight and it got me thinking.

Thinking about life and what’s worth taking a risk for.

Thinking about what really matters in the end.

And just in general, thinking.

The movie is about a girl (Rachel) whose best friend (Darcy) is engaged to a guy that Rachel went to law school with.  Rachel was in love with this guy all through law school but would never tell him, but six years later Rachel confesses her love to Dexter and long story short, he’s in love with her too but has to make a choice between her and Darcy.

Rachel had to decide what was really worth the risk during the movie. She had to decide whether she wanted to take the risk and hope that Dexter would too or if she wanted to ignore her feelings and live with never knowing how Dexter truly felt. She got hurt along the way, but in the end it all worked out. (Of course it did…it’s a chick-flic)

Anyways, the dilemma is…do you take the chance or not? I have a huge fear of failure and rejection, so many times I have found myself ignoring the feelings and just going on with life. But now instead of facing rejection, I face regret. Is it better to face your fears and hope for the best? Or is it better to just try to blow it off and act like you don’t care?

This is so hard for me because I want to be happy and I want to be with someone that makes me happy, but I just can’t bring myself to put my feelings out there. To just lay it all on the line and trust that what’s meant to be will work itself out.  To take a chance and have a little bit of faith.

Start of Something New

We go through many cycles in life.
Of schedules, work, school, friends.
Everything in life seems to always change.
I have found this is especially true in college. It seems like you just start to fit in, to finally find that one thing you're really good at and then it's time to move on to the next cycle in life.
Today was IWU's graduation ceremony and it was the first time in my life that this whole thing hit me. I realized that in a year, it will be me graduating. I'll be moving on to the next cycle and will be leaving behind some absolutely incredible people.
So - I am making a new year's resolution five months in to the new year.
For the next 12 months, I'm going to live intentionally. I'm going to make the most of every relationship in my life. God places people in your life for a reason, and I've realized that I need to get past my own insecurities and live in the moment. I need to embrace relationships and not turn away from them. I need to be accepting and not discouraging. I need to be loving and not judging. I need to be more Christ-like and not so self-centered.

This is the start of something exciting...something maybe just a little scary but something far greater than myself.

Pure Thankfulness

When I look around at everything that I have been blessed with, I have no other option but to be thankful.

Every trial that I have been handed, God has pulled me through.

Sure, I’ve had my moments when I couldn’t see the light and I questioned it all.

But, He was faithful.

With all that God has done for me, for my family, for my life, how could I not be grateful?

When I walk around campus and see God’s Creation, how can I not be joyful?

The answer is simple…I can’t possibly have anything but pure thankfulness and gratitude to my King, my Savior, my everything.

Just Breathe

I very seldom take the time to just breathe.

To sit

To relax

To pray

To just be.

I get so caught up in life.

All of these things going on around me.

The projects. The events. The tragedies.

But I have recently found that if I just take time and just inhale a deep breath

and then exhale, that a lot of things just do not seem to matter anymore.

The deadlines. The heartbreaks. The chaos. All of it is gone and I am, for once,

still, in the presence of God. The Almighty Creator.

And in this stillness, I am actually at peace. No more worries, no more questions.

Everything in my world is calm for just that moment.

It is such a refreshing thing. To just be calm and refocus on God.

So as we start a new week, I challenge you to just take the time and just breathe.

Road Trip

Life is a journey.

A long, complex, and interesting journey.

Full of ups and many, many downs.

But in order to reach our final destination, we have to go through all of those windy turns, all of those hills that seem like they are impossible to cross. It’s all part of it.

And through those bumps in the roads, through the breakdowns, through it all…we are learning. Learning how to dodge the next road block, learning the quickest detour.  It’s a growing process.

Sure we might get a few scratches and dints along the way, and those little scratches might hurt for a little while, but they are really just making you tougher, making you wiser.

Making you more and more into the person that you were created to be.

It’s all going to be worth it. One day, we’ll reach our destination and it will all be worth it.

Rescue is Coming

Life is exhausting.

Physically

Mentally

Emotionally

It is completely exhausting.

Every time I feel like I am getting somewhere and actually finding purpose for myself, life gets in the way.

So, what do we do when life gets us down? Do we hang our heads in defeat and just walk away from the difficulty? Or do we push forward, knowing that with the strength and power of God we can conquer anything?

Lately, I have just been so consumed with life. With my classes, my work, my friendships, with everything but what I should actually be consumed with. I have lost focus on my goals, my passions, and my purpose. Life has just gotten in the way. And it’s wearing me down faster than ever before. I feel like I am trudging upstream in a river that’s current is so strong I could be pulled under at any second. I’m digging my feet into the bottom of the riverbed. Standing firm in the rocks and dirt, holding tight to the only thing keeping me alive. But, off in the distance I am starting to see help on the way. The one on the life boat, coming to rescue me, to save me from everything that is going on around me. I’m given strength by His presence. And I know that as long as I keep pushing forward towards that life boat, towards the One who is going to save me, I know I can make it through this.

Life is exhausting. But there is hope. That life boat is coming for you. And He will rescue you.

God's Artwork

Once again, I was reminded of God's unwavering love today while listening to music. Sixteen Cities is just an amazing band and a couple of their songs have greatly impacted my life recently. Their lyrics are so powerful and very applicable to my life and where I'm at in life right now.
The song I was listening to today is called "Someone's Work of Art." Here is a part of the song that is so encouraging to me...


You are someone's work of art
Just the way you are
And you're shining like the stars tonight
All the pieces of your heart
And all the lovely scars
Are someone's work of art.

When the lights go down
And no one's around
You're still standing there
Wishing someone cared
Can you hear me now?
I am screaming out
You're the one I choose
There's no one like you.

This song just paints such a powerful picture to me. A picture of God reaching his hand out to me, even after I have failed, and saying that I am the one he wants. 

Of God saying to me, "There is no one like you."

Even though I have screwed up so many times, even though I have chosen other things before I chose Him, even through it all...He loves me.

The Big Revelation

I recently went on vacation to Florida for a week. One day, while laying out by the pool, I was listening to a song called "You are More" by Tenth Avenue North. As the chorus began, the sunshine popped out from behind the clouds and I had the biggest "light-bulb" moment of my Christian walk. The cause of this revelation was just a few simple lines that says,
          You are more than the choices that you've made.
          You are more than the sum of your past mistakes.
          You are more than the problems you create.
          You've been remade.
With the Florida sunshine beaming down on me, I could feel the relief being lifted off of me.
All of the hurt, anger, jealously. The guilt. The shame. It was all gone.
It was as if God sent the sun on me at that exact moment to say, "You are still so beautiful to me. You are my treasure."
That massive weight that I had been carrying around for more than half of a decade was gone and I am finally okay with my life.

I know who I am.
I am the daughter of God that has received the wonderful grace and mercy from my Heavenly Father.
I am forgiven.
I am loved.
I am sacred.
I am a treasure.
I AM HIS!

And I am ready to live my life free of guilt and shame...bring on the new year!